Creating Community?

Over the years I’ve heard, seen, and practiced a number of different approaches to creating community in youth ministries. Does any of this sound familiar?

“You’ll probably have trouble attracting and keeping students without a marketable identity.”

“Since you’re in an inner city, develop a skate park – that’s what kids are into these days.”

“An online presence is a sure bridge to connecting with this ‘net generation.”

“Make it a point to start your programs with mixers that get kids talking to people outside their normal cliques.”

“Host a lock-in at the beginning of the year with plenty of trust-building activities.”

I’m not sure this youth ministry “conventional wisdom” is all we’ve made it out to be. Though these programming methods might provide some degree of helpfulness in creating a group identity, they don’t actually form community. True community doesn’t rise out of a scientifically contrived, contextually relevant ministry. True community develops out of true relationships in the everyday real world.

Every time we try to contextualize a program we strip away its authenticity. Don’t get me wrong; studying the culture we live in is vitally important, but our study shouldn’t simply be a means to contextualize our programs. When we do that we often make inappropriate assumptions about where students’ needs lie. Sometimes in our effort to be relevant we end up profiling our kids and, as a result, alienating them because they hate to be profiled.

Let’s take the skate park as an example. If you’ve got a passion for skaters, don’t just build a skate ramp in your backyard hoping they’ll all come to your place. Instead, go to the places where they already skate. There you’ll find a community already thriving – your challenge will be to realize how God can use you to be a vital part of that community.

Fitting into existing communities is no small task. I asked 14 of my student leaders to tell me what youth workers should do to foster true relationships in the everyday real world. Here’s what they said:

“See kids as more than just your job.”

“Be your authentic self – don’t try too hard.”

“Don’t encourage an immature lifestyle by simply doing what kids do.”

“Help kids see their potential, identify their own weaknesses, and set them up to succeed.”

“Learn from students and tell them what you’re learning.”

“Be transparent and don’t just have an answer for everything.”

“Care, care, care, care.”

“Show respect.”

“Be a person of vision and character, the kind of person kids don’t see elsewhere.”

“Remember that it takes time.”

A number of these ideas have been the backbone of my ministry with the very students who suggested them. I’d add one more quote: “We can’t build true relationships with our eyes on the masses.” Students have a knack for seeing through our marketing, profiling, and group contextualization. When I study the life of Christ I continually see him retreating from the crowds in order to strengthen relationships with a few through everyday activities – talking, walking, praying, and eating. Yes, it’s that good old-fashioned relational ministry mindset – but minus the hidden agenda to boost the popularity of our program.

- Originally published in July/August 2005 issue of YouthWorker Journal, copyright 2005