Showing posts with label Westwinds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Westwinds. Show all posts

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Six Reasons Why @BenRedmond is My Youth Ministry Hero


Last night, I stood in the back of The Hub and watched my good friend Ben Redmond stand up and talk about the birth of this new youth center in Jackson, Michigan.  As I watched and listened, I experienced an overwhelming sense of appreciation for who Ben is, and I simply have to share it.  

1.  Ben is doing what I only dreamed about.  In my early days of ministry I read every book, attended conferences, listened to audiotapes from the experts (yes, audiotapes!), and I tried every method to grow the youth ministry I was leading.  I remember getting everything in place and having a special unveiling party for my youth group (complete with a fog machine that I constructed myself).  Ultimately, it all fell short of my dream.  It just didn’t work for me like it did in the books or for the conference speakers.  When I stood in The Hub last night I felt as though I was seeing Ben do what I could never do.  I turned to my wife and said, “The Hub is every youth pastor’s dream, and he’s really doing it!”.  I wasn’t jealous, I was proud.  And if I’m honest, there was a little tear in my eye.

2. Ben is one of the most creative dreamers I know.  I can still remember some of our very first meetings in the office at Westwinds when Ben first came on staff.  From the very beginning I was blown away by his incredible insight and creativity.  He had ideas and dreams about what Student Journey could become, about what we needed to teach on, about how to program things, and about how to build the team of leaders.  That was about six years ago, but there is still rarely a meeting I have with Ben where I am not thinking that what he is saying needs to be in a book.

3. Ben has walked with me through the tough times.  Since I’ve know Ben, there have been a few bumps along my road.  I remember sitting in his office wondering if I was still cut out for ministry.  Ben listened.  I remember sitting frustrated in a hotel room at a youth ministry convention.  Ben listened.  Since leaving my staff position at Westwinds, I have really struggled to figure out what my role should be at Student Journey.  Ben has listened and given me space to figure it out.  I’m still figuring it out.

4. Ben is a leader worth following.  It’s impossible for me to really express what it’s like to be on Ben’s team.  I’m fortunate enough to have twice, in my 15 years of youth ministry experience, been on a youth ministry staff that has had a true sense of camaraderie.  The first time felt like a once in a lifetime experience.  When that team fell apart, I gained a special appreciation for what we had - though I never thought I’d see that again.  Experiencing it again at Student Journey in these last six years has been like a double blessing.  Ben makes sacrifices for his leadership team.  Ben gives us resources to succeed.  Ben prays for us.  Ben loves us.  Ben is a fantastic leader.

5. Ben loves students as if they were his own.  That moment standing in the back of The Hub watching Ben stand up and talk also included another funny experience.  As Ben talked, I could see his son (not yet old enough to be in the youth program) playing a game on one of the gaming consoles that surround the venue.  Then I looked next to him and saw my son (also too young)  paying one too.  Then I looked across the room and saw my other son (too young) playing one.  At that moment, I remembered something that Ben has said to me several times.  He’s always talked about the big picture and about laying foundations for the kind of ministry that our own kids will one day experience.  From day-one, Ben has been the kind of youth pastor that treats every kid as his own, and planned his ministry that way.  For a second, I got a glimpse of what it will be like when our own kids actually are in that room playing those games and participating in Ben’s ministry.  That’s exciting!  

6. Ben has always known what Youth Ministry is really about: Students being known and heard.  As exciting as The Hub is, Ben has always had a much broader understanding of what kids need.  He knows it’s not really about this venue.  The venue is just a platform for connecting with kids and giving them space to be known and heard.  As cool as The Hub is, Ben is humble enough to know it’s not about him, but obedient enough to lead it with indescribable passion.  Ben is brave enough to dream, wise enough to lead, patient enough to listen, committed enough to sacrifice, smart enough to surround himself with others, loving enough to change lives, and faithful enough to be the best youth pastor I’ve ever known.

As Ben closed the service last night, he talked about not being able to do this alone.  At that time, several of the volunteer youth staff went up and surrounded him.  I went up too, and I walked straight for him.  I wanted to stand right behind him, not to share the limelight, but to symbolically show my commitment to be behind him one hundred percent.  I don’t know what my role will be as things go forward, but one thing became crystal clear last night.  Ben Redmond is my youth ministry hero!  

I love you, bro!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Remembering Randy Shafer


This past Saturday many of us celebrated the life of Randy Shafer. I was able to share a few words and wanted to post them here as well.


Randy Shafer was my soul friend. For the past couple of years we met almost every Tuesday morning at 6:15am. We turned a little booth in the center of Bob Evans into sacred space, where we listened to each other and to God.

It would be impossible for me to say everything that I want to say about Randy in just a few minutes. But, when I think of the time I spent with Randy there are a couple of words that really stand out to me.

First is Presence. When I was with Randy he always made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. It didn’t matter what else was going on, he wasn’t distracted. Randy knew how to be with me in whatever I was experiencing, and never let me lose sight of where God was either. Sitting with Randy often seemed like a taste of what it will be like to sit with Jesus.

Next is Patience. Randy knew how to wait for God. His blog title “fogparty” indicates that he embraced the mystery of waiting. Randy’s patience always gave me the freedom to struggle with what God was doing without feeling like I was alone in the fog. As we find ourselves in the midst of that fog now, I know that Randy would be patient with us, in our anger, in our confusion, or in our sorrow, and he would be encouraging us to wait on the Lord. Randy’s presence always made that wait a little easier.

Another word is Prayer. Randy helped me to pray with honesty because he always modeled that kind of prayer. In fact, Randy’s life was a beautiful honest prayer. One of my favorite memories is of a time when Randy came to my house to pray with me. His prayer brought a healing to my life that day, and I always looked for an opportunity to return the favor. I prayed as hard as I knew how to pray for Randy, and though we didn’t see his physical healing, Randy did tell me that a kind of healing took place in him during one of our prayer sessions. And for that I am thankful to God.

There are many other words I would say about Randy but I will share only one more today and that is the word Love. For Love truly summarizes all of the words that could be said. Randy Loved well. He showed me what it was to love. Randy’s love drew me out of the cave that I had hid in for so long and brought me into the light of the presence of God. With eyes of love, Randy saw in me things that I am still trying to discover. He saw who I could be and he loved me toward realizing that vision.

It has been said that "He who feels the beauty of the tulip while it is still in bulb covered by the snow has love for the tulip." Randy’s deep love enabled him to see in all of us the beauty that still lies encapsulated in the bulb beneath the snow.

We honor Randy’s life and influence on us every time we listen to someone without distraction. We honor Randy every time we sit with someone and hear them with patient ears. We honor Randy every time we see someone with eyes of compassion and hope. We honor Randy every time we embrace someone with arms of love. And we honor Randy when we bloom into the kind of people that God has created us to be.

So now, may the warmth of God’s love melt the snow that now covers us all. May we now carry Randy inside of us. And may we all love better, because we were loved by Randy.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Ignatian Examen for the week

Last night at our student gathering we combined the Jr. & Sr. high groups. We occasionally do this for a change of pace. Since we were together ben taught and I was able to lead the students through an Ignatian Examen exercise. Below is a transcript of the exercise.

Westwinds Student Journey – 03/04/07

A guide to Ignatian Examen

We believe God is constantly revealing himself to us in our experience. But noticing God’s presence in our lives is something that we can easily overlook, though it’s not hard to see when we slow down and allow space for God to show us.

Examen of the Week

1. Stillness: Take time to settle and feel relaxed.

Psalm 37:7 (NLT)

Be still in the presence of the Lord,

and wait patiently for him to act.

2. Light-Seeking: When you are ready to begin, ask God to help you to see and to understand how His love has been working within you over the last week. Ask God's spirit to enlighten and guide your thoughts.

3. Reflection: Begin to let yourself remember the last week... Recall those times when you were aware of being thankful (this could be for simple things like a walk or coffee with a friend). Notice what was life-giving or creative, where you felt there was a flow, an ease of being or an openness of heart towards others, even in difficult situations.

Don't try too hard... let come what comes at first when you ask these questions:

  • When did I feel best able to give and receive love?
  • What caused in me an increase in faith, hope and love?
  • Where was I drawn to God?
  • In fears, in joy, in pain, in creativity?
  • In prayer, scripture, creation?
  • In work or leisure?
  • In family, friend, church, neighbor?
  • Did I feel myself being nudged or prompted in any particular way?
  • Out of all the week’s experiences, is there one experience, that I feel most grateful for?

Rest in these moments…
Give thanks.

Psalm 117:2 (NLT)

For he loves us with unfailing love;

the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Praise the Lord!

4. Sorrow and Regret: Look again back over the week asking these questions…

  • When were you aware of God's absence?
  • When did you feel least able to give or receive love?
  • What caused in you a decrease in faith, hope and love?
  • When did you fail to respond to His love at work in you?
  • Without harsh judgment, just let yourself look at that experience.
  • In the light of God's love - what would you like to say to God about that time, event, experience?

Psalm 51:1-2 (NLT)

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. [2] Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.

What does God want to say to you?

Psalm 51:17 (NLT)

The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit.

A broken and repentant heart, O God,

you will not despise.

Hope for the Future: And now, coming back into the present:

  • What insight, revelation, or grace did you receive from the experiences of the last week?
  • Having reviewed the last week - What would you like to bring into this week?
  • Find a word or a phrase or an image to represent what you'd like to bring into the New Week...
  • Write that word, phrase, or image on the small paper you have.
  • Keep that word or phrase or image in your heart over the next week.

Psalm 107:1 (NLT)

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Ask God for the grace to move into this new week with love, faith and hope... for the grace to bring more of what gives us life... for the grace to continue to recognize God in our daily life...

Additional Resources:
the Jesuites
more on ignatian prayer

Sources:
Grace Community Church, UK
Fresh Worship


Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Reflections from a mirror


On Sunday I asked the Jr. high kids at Westwinds to go through a nine station experience geared toward deepening their commitment God and to maintaining God centered relationships. Students progressed through the stations in groups of four and I wandered through the room, helping kids stay focused and encouraging them to take the whole thing seriously. By the end of the night I had mixed feelings about how things went. Some of the kids horded the shoestring licorice at the friendships station and that left others without that experience. Others seemed unable to engage in the whole process. And a few looked as though they really got it.

The first station required students to write on a mirror things about themselves that others don't know. As I carried the mirrors back to the office later that night, I glanced and saw "I like llamas." I was frustrated and proceeded to vent to ben about how we take all this time to set these things up for kids and they just can't engage. So he asked me, "What did they write?". I turned toward the mirrors and started reading expecting lot's more llama comments. Here's what the kids had written in response to the question, "What is something people don't know about you?"...

  • I have a lot of crazy things going on in my life I don’t tell people about them I try to act like nothing is wrong because I don’t like people feeling sorry/looking down on me.
  • I am tall and I love cherries.
  • I cut my wrists/arm.
  • My sense of humor.
  • My brain.
  • I have huge enormous super fat cats.
  • State is #1
  • I hate my brother; no seriously, I really hate him.
  • I love someone special.
  • Most people don’t see my secret toilet.
  • Most people don’t know I love someone.
  • Most people don’t know that I like to sing.
  • I praise God by playing sports.
  • I keep a book of my deepest prayers.
  • My legs.
  • My math skills (8=D)
  • Michigan rocks!
  • I am… I am mentally strong.
  • Go Spartans!
  • Things aren’t too great lately.
  • Life sucks. I blame God.
  • I have nothing positive to say about myself.
  • I like pie.
  • I miss my brother and I miss how life used to be.
  • God is good.
  • I like cheese.
  • I get scared and hurt a lot but I’m fearless.
  • The tattoo on my back
  • Some of my friend relationships and my relationship with my sister really upset me.
  • No one understands me.
  • Spartans rule
  • I’m bald.
  • I’m sad and depressed.
  • I slit my wrists.

After reading the mirrors my perspective changed, and I was reminded of why I do what I do . These were the thoughts of the squirrelly kids who couldn't focus. Sure some of them are silly, but they're 6-8th graders, what did I expect? They are going 100 mph, and carrying all of this stuff around with them. It's an incredibly awkward time in life and they are trying to figure it all out in a culture that is feeding them all the wrong info.

I intersect with this group of kids for about 2 hours every week. I had to ask myself... How am I helping them? and... how can I do more?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

REMIX: New Year Revelations

On Sunday Night both Ben and I taught through our key vision for youth ministry at Westwinds in 2007. These points emerged primairly during our two major planning sessions that took place over the Christmas break, though the ideas have been brewing in us for a long time. Here's what we see as the key concepts that will define us in '07:

1. Be fully present with God and others
2. Dream Big (our technical term here is "organic empowerment")
3. Provide tools for personal spiritual development
4. Demonstrate a renewed committment to friendship
5. Be missional
6. Continue to develop and enhance our programs (Remix & Merge)
7. Create atmospheres for new experiences
8. Go deeper with Jesus

Friday, December 22, 2006

An amazing day

Yesterday I spent all day with the Randy (journey team leader at westwinds) and Ben (student journey designer). Our goal in this day was to get a 1,000 foot perspective on last year and to use that understaning to shape the next twelve months. One of the key issues on the table was my role as the jr. high journey designer. I've been in a long conversation with Randy and Ben about how to respond to the things I've been senseing God nurturing in me and how that all fits in with my ministry role at Westwinds.
Without going into a lot of details let me just say that it was an amazing day and God was in the center of it all. I think it's a rare thing for any organization to shape positions to fit the people God has brought them instead of asking people to fit the pre-determined positions. I really feel like we're doing that here and it's really exciting to be a part of it. One of my favorite moments was as we all gathered around a whiteboard and we wrote my name in the center. Next we just brainstormed to come up with the life-giving things that God is already doing through me. Then we started thinking of movements we've all noticed in my life and dreaming about what that might look like if it was my job description. It was extremely freeing and affirming for me. I can't even explain it.
As we dreamed, two of the main focus points were spiritual formation, and missions. Missions is pretty straightforward, though I feel it will include a broader view (not just trips to mexico). A key idea we discussed was the idea of seeing all of the kids as community contributers and allowing that to inspire involvement in our neighborhoods and around the world. Spiritual formation is a little more complex. It involves the full life. It is the journey. But in order to put some tangibles on the table I coined the term "formative competencies". I really think that term is going to catch on. What I mean by formative competencies is the disciplines and practices that create the skeletal structure of the spiritual life (not sure if that is an oxy-moron).
I don't have time to go into more of the details right now. This is an exciting time. I can't wait to see how the next few months will unfold.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

One Question

Last week I stood before a group of 30 high school seniors and told them that I'd been thinking a lot about what my role is in their lives. I talked a little about calling and my desire to be live out my calling, but also shared with them my desire to know what it is they want. I told the story of the contemplative retreat I led last winter where we focused on John 1:35-39 where Jesus asks two of John's disciples, "What do you want?" Then I just asked the students that same question.

It was quiet for about 10 minutes. Many sat and stared at the blank page at first, then they started writing. I collected the papers and read them over about an hour later. I can't stop thinking about some of the things they wrote. Here are a few quotes...

* "I want to know without a doubt that I have friends and I have support."
* "I need to know what God wants me to do with my life."
* "I want to go to college and exceed expecations cause nobody expects anything out of me."
* "I want to know someone is praying for me."
* "I want to impact people not jsut live an ordinary life of going to college."
* "I want to know why God is making my life so hard."
* "I want to become very close to God and be able to quiet myself and hear wht he has to say."
* "If there are any ways to develop an interest in reading scripture in an interested and effective manner I would be very pleased."

And the one that is killing me...

* "I want to be able to hear the voice of God... I can't hear God. At least Abraham got to talk with God. At least moses got to see God. But what's to be said for the one who talks to the ceiling every night, gets no reply, and yet still believes? I just want to know what I am doing wrong. I need answers."

When I hear stuff like this I am reminded of my deep inner desire to help kids. I don't just want to hand out answers and fix all of this stuff for them. I want to learn how to be with them in these questions. I want to live the answers, not tell them. I want to show these students that they are loved even if they get all the answers wrong.

Lord, help me to be present with you in each moment and in each interaction with these kids. And let me be present with them, hearing their cries, seeing their hearts, and loving them fully.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

NYWC - the last day



If the convention ended Sunday night I would have thought that I had gotten it. I would have thought that I clearly heard what God was trying to say. I'd be leaving with a list of things that I want to do differently but mostly one thing and that is to focus on really being present with God and to carry that into all of my relationships by being present with others (while present with God). I still think that concept is a big part of what I am taking away from this convention, but it didn't end that night.

Monday morning during the Starfield worship set in the last general session (see picture above) I found myself standing there reflecting on all of the thoughts and conversations I'd had over the weekend. In the midst of that worship, God enabled me to understand that it was not my ambition that was dying over the past year... it was pride. It was not my passion dying, but my misguided motives that were being proven empty. As a result I felt that loss but what I didn't realize at the time was that it was a loss of things that didn't belong in my life anyway. All this is going on in my head before the speaker even got up.

So then Marko steps on stage and starts his talk in this final session by simply and boldly confessing his own arrogance. He presented a great definition of humility: the acknowledgment of our true selves. I think that the biggest thing that I've run into this weekend is an acknowledgement of my true self. My true motives and my true pride. This was not an easy encounter. It's funny, we all talk about how much we want to grow but so often we ignore the obvious fact that growth is uncomfortable. We all want the end result without having to spend a year feeling like something is dying inside of us and not knowing what it is.

Near the end of the session there was an opportunity to respond to the week by writing on a mirror a word or phrase that represented our response to the week. I wrote, "LET GO." I want to let go of all of my ideas and grab on to God. I want to let go of my selfish ambition and my definitions of success and I want to hold only to Christ. I want my identity to be derived solely from Him. I want my only concers to be those of pleasing God with my thoughts, actions, words and in all relationships. Today, I am letting go.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

NYWC - Thoughts from day 3

During this morning's general session Eric Timm was on stage during the worship session with Starfield. Before he started his picture he painted the words, “Walk by faith… God will reveal.” The theme for the weekend is REVEAL, so this was very appropriate.

I have to say that after three days of being here Reveal is a good word for it. It’s like it doesn’t matter what seminar I choose. It’s weird how God keeps presenting me with the key passages that have shaped me over the years. Wherever I go the speaker starts talking about things that are reminding me of nearly every significant moment I have had with Him along my journey.

This morning Rodger Nishioka’s general session left me with one basic thought. It’s one story about one kid. He told a simple story about an old woman praying for a kid on the fringe. In the end there was a strange twist, the kid was praying for the old woman. And when she asked him why he had been praying he said, “don’t you see… because you are saving my life.” This was just one story about one kid, and it reminded me of the importance of every one I come in contact with.

I was in a seminar with Chap Clark and he said, “We love youth ministry but we often haven’t taken seriously the mandate to care for the kids.” This reminded me of a time when I was on a retreat with a group of seniors a few years ago. I was sitting on the bus and was just overwhelmed with the idea that I love doing this. Then as I was having that thought it was as if God was asking me if I love the kids or just the idea of youth ministry. It was a tough weekend of processing where my passion was.

In the evening session Chris Folmsbee took us to Exodus 33-34 and asked two questions.

Question 1: What will distinguish us as Christians? Answer: the presence of God. Moses refused to move forward without the presence of God. I remember when I was contemplating the transition to teaching and this was the exact scripture that I discussed with God before I dove in. The only thing that is going to separate me from any other adult in the lives of these kids is the very presence of God in my life. I want that presence.

Question 2. What’s the greatest gift we can give this generation? Answer: Recognizing the presence of God and eliminating the things that keep us from it. Our responsibility is not only for ourselves but is also for those we lead. This means that, like Moses, we ought to be about the duty of confessing the sins among us. Us is the keyword here. We need to be interceding on behalf of those we lead and nurturing in them an awareness of Gods presence and a desire for His holiness. Holiness here not meaning sinlessness but rather being in the presence of God and dwelling there.

Kids are thirsty to see God’s glory. My challenge is to be living in His presence so that my very life is a display of that glory.

These are the things that have been revealed to me today. My prayers tonight are first for family. I miss them and I desperately want to live out these truths for my three little ones. And second, for all those I teach. They are incredible kids and I want to learn to be more fully present and reveal God’s presence to them every day.

NYWC - Reflections on day 2

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and I was wide awake. I didn't want to get up and it kinda felt like one of those moments where you wake up and God is sitting on the edge of your bed. I was reluctant to get up and kept telling myself that it was probably just my random thoughts racing in my head. I didn't bother to write anything down. It was too dark, and I wanted more sleep since we’ve been pulling some late nights here.

Later in the day I grabbed some scrap paper and a pen and jotted down some thoughts I remembered. It didn't really make a whole lot of sense. “I want to help people see God. I want to see God. I want to be authentic and I want my authentic self to be a deep lover of God and others. I want to learn how to look at people and really see them. I want to listen and really hear. And I want to help others see and hear themselves and God.”

I wasn’t sure what all that was about. I just woke up thinking it. Its pretty easy to forget to do that stuff. Earlier today I was again flipping through those 3x5 cards my students gave me. They are incredible people. One of them wrote this, "God doesn't need us to accomplish His will, but He offers us the chance to be a part of what He is doing." I've gone back and read that about three times today. Pretty good advice from a high school student.

Later on Mike Pilavachi was speaking in a general session and he said, “We can get involved in God’s ministry or we can work really hard trying to develop our own.” When you say it like that it sounds really dumb to try to develop our own. I wonder why I feel like I need to. I think that’s what God meant last year when I heard him say, “Stop trying to change the world… that’s My job.”

Then what’s left to do then for all of us who have handed our lives over to God in response to this calling we have for ministry? Love people deeply. See them. Hear them. Embrace them with the arms of Jesus. I’m losing track of whether that’s my answer or if it’s Gods. I think that’s a good thing.

Pilavachi said, “Jesus calls us to love the world one human being at a time.” I want to slow down and actually see people. I’m in the bad habit of not doing that so well. I think I’ve let my focus shift to the crowds. I get pretty excited when I think about the students I get to teach. These little cards are reminding me of how awesome they are.

I think I’ve answered my question for today. The question I came here with. “What is it that God is saying to you right now?” I was reminded tonight about what I believe God has been saying for several years. In fact, I feel like my whole life is building up in this direction of learning how to really love people. I have a long way to go, but at least I feel like I am aiming in the right direction.

I wonder what tomorrow will be like…

Friday, November 17, 2006

NYWC - Day 1 Snapshot


Ok, this is the short version of what happened today. If you want my reflections on the day you’ll have to scroll down to the next post, but this gives you some idea of how cool this conference is.

10:00 am
• Listened to Tony Campolo
o Quotable Moment: “We are all willing to be Christian to a point. But if we are going to follow Jesus most of us know that we need to go way beyond that point.”

1:00 pm
• Rocked with David Crowder Band (see photo)
• Laughed at Jared Hall (illusionist)
• Listened to Bob the Tomato (Phil Vischer)
o Quotable Moment: “If I have given my will, my life to God then where I am in five years is none of my business.”
• Rocked with Thousand Foot Krutch

4:00 pm
• Seminar with Dan Kimball

7:30 pm
• Rocked with David Crowder Band (again)
o Quotable Moment: “Behold the key-tar.”
• Laughed at Jared Hall (again)
• Listened to Donald Miller
• Rocked with Building 429

10:15 pm
• Came back to the room to try to process all this stuff.

NYWC - Thoughts from day 1

“What is it that God is saying to you right now?” Those were my exact words earlier this week as I stood in front of the freshmen class. We had just finished talking about the story of God speaking to Moses at the burning bush, a story that for me has been extremely significant. It’s funny how your words can come back to you.

This morning when while we were getting ready Ben told me about a story that he had been reading in John chapter 9. It’s the story of Jesus healing a blind man. Jesus puts some mud on his eyes and sends him to wash in a pool. Afterwards the blind man goes away and gets caught up in conversation with his neighbors and then with the Pharisees. A little bit later this is what happened…

He [Jesus] found the man and said, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?"
The man answered, "Who is he, sir, because I would like to."
"You have seen him," Jesus said, "and he is speaking to you!"
"Yes, Lord," the man said, "I believe!" And he worshiped Jesus.

It’s funny how this man had spoken with Jesus before (Jesus healed him, remember) and when he meets up with Jesus again he doesn’t have any idea who he’s talking to. And I wonder, how often do I do this? How often do I have a blind conversation with God (by blind here I mean not realizing it’s Him – not realizing that the dialog in my head is me speaking with Jesus) and then I turn around and start looking for Him. How often do students that I work with hear the very voice of God and don’t even recognize that it’s been Him talking to them all along, calling them onward in their search for Him?

Last year I sat in this same crowd at this same convention and I listened to God say to me, “Stop trying to change the world.” It was tough to hear and it didn’t make any sense to me. What about all of my ambition, and passion, and vision, and ideas, and desire for impact, and being profound, and my will, and…

I wish I was profound.

I was going through the little cards that my students gave me and I read this verse…
Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. - Ephes. 3:20
Maybe that’s what’s wrong with ambition – it’s always too small.

And since last year I’ve felt like something has been dying inside of me. It’s been hard to put my finger on it. I’ve spent time evaluating about every area of my life, searching for what was out of place. It just seems like all my ambition and passion has been slipping away from me and every time I see someone leading with ambition I get frustrated because it reminds me of how I used to be, and the way I used to dream.

Earlier today I listened to Phil Vischer (founder of Big Idea, the group that created Veggie Tales, and the voice of Bob the Tomato). He spoke of a similar death inside of him that took place when his company went bankrupt, and he said something that really struck me. He noticed that gradually, his desire for impact was being replaced by a desire for God. Maybe that’s been the problem. God said, “No other God’s before Me” (not even the God of impacting the world for Me). As the deer pants for the water, so my soul pants for….. what does my soul pant for?

It’s like God won’t leave it alone because after listening to Bob the Tomato talk about letting go of vision in order to embrace God himself. I went to dinner and over dinner Ben and I were talking about how the whole theme of the day has been, “Your relationship with God is more important to Him than what you can do for Him.” I think I’ve known that but have kept living as if I had something to prove to God and everybody else. My soul pants for impact.

So then tonight we listened to Donald Miller. He’s so profound. Reading his books is just like listening to him speak; insightful and fun. I was thinking of all of my students and wishing that they could be here with me listening with me. They’d learn a lot from him.

Just in case I hadn’t gotten the point yet, they showed Rob Bell’s newest Nooma video entitled, breathe. Guess what passage Rob uses to kick off his little message… Moses and the burning bush. It’s funny how what you say comes back to you.

Ok God, I’m listening.

The National Youth Workers Convention - Preview

I’m sitting in my hotel room now- 10th floor, downtown Cincinnati. The convention starts in the morning. I’ve been attending these conferences for five years now, and every year this convention is extremely meaningful to me. It’s funny how different each experience has been. God always speaks clearly to me here. Maybe it’s simply because I am paying closer attention and I am expecting to hear from Him. It’s that whole retreat phenomenon. So, I’m looking forward to what God will do here in my heart this weekend.

I brought along some encouragement/prayer/verse/art/you-name-it cards that some students gave me before I left. These are basically just 3x5 cards with all sorts of thoughts written on them. I’ve read a few of them and I already know this is going to be a fun addition to my week. So if you’re a JCS student and you wrote me a card, know that I am reading them, and looking up verses, praying for you, and laughing.

Philip. 4:8
And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.