I took a run today to my favorite park. I bundled up (since it’s only 32 degrees out), tuned my iPod to some worship music and hit the sidewalk. As I ran, I just tried to worship along with the songs. When I got to the park, I paused my tunes, slowed to a walking pace, and entered into a time of silent prayer by simply repeating the prayer of 1 Samuel 3:10, “Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.”
It’s often awkward shifting into silence. I am in such a habit of talking that it is sometimes hard to quiet my inner voice that just wants to keep asking God for stuff. It can be even harder to be silent with my eyes open but walking with my eyes closed didn’t seem like a very good option in a city park. So, as I walked down the path I just looked around and asked God to show me something.
It wasn’t long before I noticed a bird soaring above me. No, not like a dove descending from heaven, just a regular bird. As I looked more closely I noticed that it had what looked like a cracker in its mouth. Now, I highly doubt that it was a cracker, because where would a bird get a cracker? But that’s just what it looked like. Immediately I had some thoughts. I first thought of the bird’s life. It was simply being a bird. I thought of the bird’s day and how the bird may have been feeling (I know it may sound weird to think of what birds may be feeling but that is simply what I thought). I wondered if it was anxious or trusting. I wondered if it was worried about tomorrow. I noticed the cracker and I was reminded of Matthew 6:26 "Consider the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"
I continued to watch the bird as I walked. It was barely even flapping its wings but it was flying and turning and floating in the air. The wind was doing all of the work. I thought about my own life, and how I often want to do the work but it is the work of the Spirit. I am simply along for the ride.
The bird landed out of site and I turned my attention to listening again. Soon I heard what sounded like a waterfall (except there is no waterfall… well, let me clarify that. This park actually has a large man made waterfall, but it is closed for the winter). I looked around because I figured what I was hearing was a car with a bad muffler or something, but the sound continued. Eventually I figured out that the noise was coming from the tall swamp grass blowing in the wind. I thought, there’s that wind again, this time giving grass a voice. It is funny that God can make grass sound like a waterfall. But the grass alone wouldn’t make any sound at all without the wind.
About that time I looked down and noticed something strange. The particular section of the park I was in is notorious for goose poo. But the geese were gone and the poo was mostly gone too. It was nice not to have to tiptoe as if I were in a mine field. Then I asked God the strangest question that I think I have ever asked God. I said, “What’s with the goose poo?”
Silence. I started to get cold. I had broken a sweat on my run over to the park and now that I had been walking for a while I was cooling down and really starting to get chilly from the brisk winter wind. I started jogging to warm back up again, and then it dawned on me. The wind held the bird aloft, gave the grass a voice, and moved the geese where God wanted them to go.
I finished the circle trail around this park and hit play on my iPod as I turned toward home. The song that played next was called “If You Say Go” and it goes like this,
If you say go, we will go
If you say wait, we will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can’t be done
We’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come
If you call us to the fire You will not withdraw Your hand
We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You
I thought about the geese who were moved south at the beckoning of God. I thought about the birds that had waited and were held by the wind and fed by the hand of God. I thought about the grass doing what can’t be done… speaking.
It was an interesting walk in the park. There are a lot of parallels with things that God is doing in me these days. I am still processing it all.
Introduction: Some of my classmates and I defined spiritual formation as an intentional journey of being formed by God into the image of Jesus – with others and for others. Since developing that definition we have explored the discipline of contemplative prayer and theorized about what bridges need to be crossed over various chasms that separate contemplation and action in the formation journey. Five bridges create the framework for understanding this project.
Brief Overview: my project included two phases –
· Phase 1 was an experiment in giving.
· Phase 2 was a hands on / relational element at a downtown ministry house.
The story:
The
I have spent a lot of time the last few months thinking about the idea of giving. Sermons, readings, and experiences have sufficiently made me aware that I'm no good at it. I don't like to give away anything. When I get around generous people I always think to myself, "I wish I was more like that." God has been gentle but unrelenting in the conviction process.
I was at my usual midweek gathering with my friends and as we walked through the campus of
Our discussion spawned this thought: What if every time you bought yourself something, you also bought an extra one and gave it away? At first it seemed simple enough. The concept would keep us from buying lots of unnecessary things and hold us accountable to care for those around us in need as much as we care for ourselves. In a small way it would bring a sense of equality to our relationships which Ronald Rolheiser, author of The Holy Longing, points out as a key area of Justice.
Surely the key to true compassion and justice is not found in throwing money at a situation. However, it seems that monetary giving can serve as a starting point, and that's what I felt like I needed this week – a starting point. I needed integrity. I needed to begin bringing my life in line with what I believe. I'll be quick to say that everything we have is Gods, but I'm usually the last one to put my money in the hat.
I decided to start small. I made a point to do two things.
· First, buy two and give one away.
· Second, pray for guidance.
It started with a gift card to a coffee shop.
Case #1: I went down to the local coffee house and grabbed my favorite beverage and a $5 gift card for someone else. I must have looked at everyone that came into that store while I sat there studying. Each time thinking, "God, is that the one who you want to bless?" I quickly realized that I would need to tune my ears closely to the voice of God in order to live this way. That card was burning a hole in my pocket all day. I ended up at the park that evening and I passed the card to the young man as he walked by. He was thoroughly confused as to why I would do something like that for him.
The Bridge of Ceaseless Prayer
I quickly became excited about how arming myself with a gift transformed my prayers and how I looked differently at everyone around me. Everyone became a potential target for blessing, and suddenly my relationship with God became essential to every interaction.
Case #2: I needed gas for the mini-van. I watched hesitantly as the numbers rolled by faster than I could count. I stopped at $25. The van wasn't full but I knew that I had to have enough money to buy someone else a $25 gas card. I drove down the highway actually praying that I would run across someone who was broke down or out of gas. (Usually I'm praying that someone else will stop and help those poor people on the side of the road, because God would understand that I am on my way to youth group). I was late but was so anxious for God to put someone in my path that needed assistance. That card remained in my pocket for 24 hours. I ended up passing this along to a young pastor I was chatting with who is planting a church in our town and needs to raise $45,000 this year. I handed it to him knowing it wouldn't make a dent in that number but hoping that it would encourage him that God's answer to his prayers could be provided, even in the strangest of ways.
Case #3: I needed to buy diapers for my daughter. I bought two packages. I came home wondering who in the world would need these extra diapers, but I was ready to meet a need. The next day I kept thinking about the diapers and started asking God to show me someone who could use these diapers. I finally just got in my car and started driving around looking for someone who needed diapers (I'm pretty sure I've never done that before). I drove to a place here in town that is a transitional house for teenage girls who have had babies. It looked empty. I drove around the block and then pulled in the parking lot. I sat in the car and just prayed that someone might be there that needed the diapers. I got out and walked up the steps and before I reached the top a woman greeted me at the door. I asked her if they needed size 4 diapers and she said, "yes." I introduced myself to her but didn't explain what I was up to. Her name was Tamarah. I'm on their mailing list now. I never would have been had I not been looking for someone who needed diapers. I made a new connection with the community. (A reasonably large step for an introvert.) But I knew there was more to all of this…
The
Looking back I wish I had gotten to speak with each of these people more. I wish I knew more about where they were living and what they needed. The gifts didn't feel like justice, and maybe they weren't even compassion, but giving them was an opportunity for me to connect with the community and simply do my part in making things more fair. At this point I was reminded of the importance of community in spiritual formation, the "with others for others" part. So I determined to make that part of the experiment.
Case #4: I was hungry for more connections. I was beginning to see community as a key to this whole process. I wanted to meet some people that would give a name and a face to struggles in this town. I called my friend, Wendy, who runs a house downtown called Together We Can Make A Difference.
I got there just before lunch. There was a small group of people seated in the dining room around the table. Before I could do anything I was being served. Wendy shared a quick story about a cow being donated and needing a butcher to offer his "services". Then she prayed, and after prayer she said, "I'll turn my phone on now." (expecting that a butcher may call at any moment). We ate soup while Wendy read the daily scripture chapters (they are reading through the Bible in a year). Afterwards I sat and talked with the people. I tried not to be busy or act like I was going to come in there one afternoon and be the savior for the day. I just wanted to meet these people.
Carol was my favorite. She should have died twice. She told me the amazing stories behind each incident and how she saw God at work, rescuing and restoring her. Now she spends as much of her time as she can giving herself to others. Since August she has made 426 blankets to be given away. Did I mention she had a stroke and can't move her right arm? She owns an orchard and on a bad harvest year she recalled praying, "God, just give me enough to share." I was blown away.
Time doesn't permit me to speak of Ray, Steve, Dennis, Shaw, and the others whose names I can't recall.
The
Just being around Wendy can get you excited about what God is doing. There are so many answered prayers in that house. Foster says that the ecstatic gifts often help us see that God is present and active among peoples and situations we have written off as hopeless. (Streams of Living Water, Foster, p.127) I felt as though I understood that principle at a new level after my time at the house. I was humbled and hopeful.
I went from there down the street to see author and revolutionary Shane Claiborne speak. I was again humbled by his radical willingness to get involved in the lives of people in need. People kept asking things like how he got started and what a typical day looks like for him. His responses were simple and profound. Here are a few quotes I jotted down:
· "We can't be in love with the vision of changing the world, we must be in love with the people."
· "Everybody wants a revolution but nobody wants to do the dishes."
· "We cannot fully recover unless we also help the society that made us sick recover."
· I feel this last quote really sums up the essence of social justice.
The
I know that giving things away does not address social justice on a grand scale, but here is how I see the connection. This experiment changed everything about my day. I was constantly consumed with thoughts of those around me and how what I had could be a blessing to them. Rolheiser states that when we pray we are not only petitioning God to act, but "we are also charging ourselves, as part of the Body of Christ, with some responsibility for answering the prayer." (The Holy Longing, p.83) We could see a need and then pray that God would meet that need OR we could prepare ourselves to meet a need and then ask God to open our eyes. That's what I experienced. I noticed myself praying all the time. And these prayers were not prayers that God would meet a need but that He would show me someone with a need that I was already prepared to meet. If I had noting in my pockets then I chose to offer myself – my eyes, ears, hands, and words. Ultimately the experiment changed me. And if I now treat people more justly then I suppose social justice has been accomplished, even if on the smallest scale.
Try the project yourself, and tell me what happens to you and through you!
Jesus’ own disciples said, “Teach us to pray.” I think that mindset is the starting point. There is a Zen principle called “the beginners mind” that I first read about in Richard Rohr’s book Everything Belongs. Thomas Merton summarizes the concept in a segment from Contemplative Prayer (quoted in Spiritual Classics) by saying “Those who think they ‘know’ from the beginning will never, in fact, come to know anything.” So, when attempting to begin contemplative prayer practices, anyone who feels frustrated and ignorant is in a good place. It’s the “Teach us to pray” place that the disciples were in, and it’s the humility of “beginners mind”.
I’ve lost what I once knew about prayer.
Merton also calls contemplative prayer “death – a kind of descent into our own nothingness, a recognition of helplessness, frustration, infidelity, confusion, ignorance.” How many times have we heard encouragement to pray tagged with that kind of incentive? The Cloud of Unknowing actually encourages us to imagine that we are going to die at the end of our prayer. That would definitely change our stance before God. (Read more about that here: “an unusual prayer tip”)
Somewhere I read something about even the most trained monks, after forty minutes of silent prayer, may only have a brief moment of actually achieving silence. And many never have any “experiences” of note. I was encouraged and discouraged by that all at the same time.
Nearly everything I’ve seen on contemplative prayer practices encourages some kind of spiritual direction and guidance as you begin. I have had some difficulty finding anyone who was willing to take on that role so I’ve opted for spiritual companions along the way. I’d still love to find a prayer director. My prayer life has been wrecked for a while now. So often I feel as though I don’t know what to say anymore. Maybe that’s a good thing. When I pray out loud in class or in meetings I frequently begin with a long pause and in that moment I wonder if I’d be better off not saying anything.
Jesus, teach me to pray.
I see two distinctions in the practice of Contemplative Prayer: presence/action and rest/reflection. Both categories or distinctions have an overlap of the disciplines that are incorporated in their practice. 1. Presence Action, in my opinion, embraces a more “real life” approach to contemplative prayer, and incorporates practices such as solitude, and unceasing prayer through active expressions. I am inspired by Frank Laubach’s experiments with various active forms of contemplative prayer including non-traditional exercises like daily hikes up Signal Hill, tennis matches where he put his body (and his opponents) under the control of God, and simply sitting near those he prayed for. In my opinion, Laubach was a master at incorporating the active life with classic contemplative disciplines like solitude and ceaseless prayer to create his own unique disciplines. Laubach sums up the presence action approach with these words, “Of all today’s miracles, the greatest is this: To know that I find Thee best when I work listening, not when I am still or meditative or even on my knees in prayer, but when I work listening and co-operating.” (SLW, p.44).
2. A Restful Reflection approach to contemplative prayer embraces the slow life and also incorporates many of the same disciplines such as solitude, and ceaseless prayer, but with stillness and rest as the primary mode of expression. This approach leans more heavily on the standard expressions of the desert fathers and mothers, and the more traditional labels and categories like stillness, fasting, and Jesus prayer. Nearly everything I’ve ever read by Nouwen carries with it this restful tone. Nouwen may summarize this side of the spectrum with these words, “The goal of our life is not people. It is God.” (Way of the Heart, p.40).
Bibliography: (see links under "currently reading")
Streams of Living Water, Richard Foster
The Way of The Heart, Henri Nouwen
Invitation to a Journey, M. Robert Mulholland Jr.
The Holy Longing: The Search for A Christian Spirituality, Ronald Rolheiser
“Since the density of pure water ice is ca. 920 kg/m³, and that of sea water ca. 1025 kg/m³, typically, only one ninth of the volume of an iceberg is above water. The shape of the remainder under the water can be difficult to surmise from looking at what is visible above the surface. This has led to the expression "tip of the iceberg", generally applied to a problem or difficulty, meaning that the visible trouble is only a small manifestation of a larger problem.” – (Wikipedia)
I would like to re-frame a definition of “tip of the iceberg”. I see the tip of the iceberg as our love of others (visible) which is only a small manifestation of our love of God (invisible).
THE TIP: We always only see the tip of the iceberg. The portion beneath the water is eight times larger than what is seen. This principle is true no matter how large or small the iceberg is. In my analogy, I view the “seen” parts of our lives (the things we do that let other people know who we really are; our words, our actions, our relationships) as “love of others”. That love may be small or large but it is directly proportionate to our love of God.
THE BERG: I see our love of God is the base of the iceberg. Luk 7:47 states, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” Love for God becomes greater when we are faced with our own sinfulness and brokenness. Contemplative prayer enlarges the base of our iceberg (our love for God) by placing us before God and revealing our weakness. Nouwen refers to this as “death” in contemplative prayer. This process is followed by “birth” where we experience the embrace of God, and in this phase we learn how to express love for others as we have received God's love. This pushes the tip of the iceberg up, creating more space above the surface for individuals to receive from us, the love of God.
