If the convention ended Sunday night I would have thought that I had gotten it. I would have thought that I clearly heard what God was trying to say. I'd be leaving with a list of things that I want to do differently but mostly one thing and that is to focus on really being present with God and to carry that into all of my relationships by being present with others (while present with God). I still think that concept is a big part of what I am taking away from this convention, but it didn't end that night.
Monday morning during the Starfield worship set in the last general session (see picture above) I found myself standing there reflecting on all of the thoughts and conversations I'd had over the weekend. In the midst of that worship, God enabled me to understand that it was not my ambition that was dying over the past year... it was pride. It was not my passion dying, but my misguided motives that were being proven empty. As a result I felt that loss but what I didn't realize at the time was that it was a loss of things that didn't belong in my life anyway. All this is going on in my head before the speaker even got up.
So then
Marko steps on stage and starts his talk in this final session by simply and boldly confessing his own arrogance. He presented a great definition of humility: the acknowledgment of our true selves. I think that the biggest thing that I've run into this weekend is an acknowledgement of my true self. My true motives and my true pride. This was not an easy encounter. It's funny, we all talk about how much we want to grow but so often we ignore the obvious fact that growth is uncomfortable. We all want the end result without having to spend a year feeling like something is dying inside of us and not knowing what it is.
Near the end of the session there was an opportunity to respond to the week by writing on a mirror a word or phrase that represented our response to the week. I wrote, "LET GO." I want to let go of all of my ideas and grab on to God. I want to let go of my selfish ambition and my definitions of success and I want to hold only to Christ. I want my identity to be derived solely from Him. I want my only concers to be those of pleasing God with my thoughts, actions, words and in all relationships. Today, I am letting go.
