what is God up to?

There have been a few things from the past few days that I feel are blogworthy (remember this is totally subjective). I know the whole idea of including more than one idea in a post is against the rules for some, however, I have made my own rules for blogging so who cares...

I've just re-written this sentence five times. I think that actually best expresses some of how I've been feeling lately. I have a lot on my mind, but haven't had the words to go along with it. In the mean time I've kept the blog going with movie and book reviews and random funny stuff. I finally feel like saying something.

On Wednesday one of the students I teach got baptised. I wasn't going to go. I had lots of reasons why I wouldn't be able to make it, but I sat at the dinner table 20 minutes before the service and really thought that I should try to get over there. So, I jumped in the truck and got there just as the first song was being played. I didn't realize it was going to be a full blown church service. Ushers tried to shew me towards the front but I was planning on laying low in the back, waiting for her to be baptised and then ducking out the back. Finally, the usher let me sit in one of the reserved seats in the very back row. (who are those seats reserved for anyway??? I thought it was for people that come in after the service starts and who will probably leave early???)

Once I realized that I'd be there for a while I just decided to sit there and soak it in (no pun intended). It wasn't a really huge church, but the room was packed which made the opening worship time pretty cool. I sang some and listened some, and really started sensing God's presence and enjoying the whole ordeal. But I was distracted. There were two teen couples in front of me just hanging on each other and gazing into each other's eyes. I tried not to notice but looking back I think it was really frustrating me. There are probably several reasons why but I'll just share the two biggest ones. 1. As a youth ministry professional I like to take pride in kids, and I try to fight the stereotypes as much as possible. It's really frustrating to see kids ignoring the fact that they are doing very things that reinforce the negative stereotypes about them sitting in the back not paying any attention. 2. By the time the service was nearing an end I was simply sad to see them missing it. I had not come with an open heart, but God softened me up to receive what he had for me during that hour. It was right in front of them and they missed it. I was literally sad. I just read this poem and thought it really fit with this whole scenario:

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God:
But only [those] who see, take off [their] shoes;
The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "Afire"

Before each person was baptized a narrator read a brief statement written by the one being baptized. These were testimonies or things that had led them to where they are today. When the student that I had come to see got up there, a big part of her story was about Guatemala. She was on the team I led to Guatemala last summer. I knew the trip had a profound impact on her life, but to see it play out in such a significant moment like baptism was very moving. And, I was reminded of how important my little role in their lives can be. This whole experience made me even more excited about the trips I have coming up this summer.

After the service I didn't just duck out the back. I hung around to let her know I had made it. She saw me, ran over, gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks for coming." I know that it was where I needed to be.

On Thursday I had the opportunity to meet Richard Foster and hear him speak at Spring Arbor Univ. He was there doing lectures for their Spiritual Formation & Leadership master's degree program. I was just sitting in on this one lecture with a friend who'd been invited to come. I wasn't overwhelmed by his message at first, but as I've allowed it to soak in I'm finding it to be more full than I had at first realized (like sitting on a damp sponge).

He spoke on the mystery of the Kingdom of Heaven. He said it's a kingdom of proclamation and demonstration. It's compassion married to power (as seen in The Brothers Karamazov). It comes to us in mystery, "it comes to us veiled until our hearts are ready inwardly to be conquered by God." It comes through change, hearing and turning, responding to the quiet voice of God, living in dissatisfied satisfaction.

Later that same evening a guy named Bill Vaswig got up to talk about healing prayer. I'd never really heard anyone formally talk on healing prayer, let alone sit through a healing service, so this was two new experiences for me. I must admit that I had my reservations. I don't have time now to go into all that has been going on inside of me regarding prayer over the past few years. Let me just say that I've ditched the laundry list approach and have settled into what I have considered a more faith filled style of prayer - simply resting in the wisdom of God and not assuming that I know what God "ought" to do in any given situation. Bill challenged me. I'll just share one insight. He said we must stop using "if it's" in prayer. Ive been a big "if it"style prayer and maybe even more so lately. But, I haven't been comfortable there and it's the Genesis 18 conversation that Abraham has with God that has been keeping me frustrated. If' you've never read the conversation you've got to check it out. Abraham basically enters into an auction-style barter with God over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. That one passage has been looming in my mind for about five years now. Abraham asks and let's God do what's best, but he asks.

I have a sense that my prayer life is going to be shifting in the months to come. And, I had a chance to practice on my good friend who happened to be sitting with me at this service. It's tough for me to really ask for what I want in prayer. But I gave it my best shot. I feel I'm constantly sifting through motives, and wondering mid-sentence if I am asking for something for all the wrong reasons. But I'm starting to ask... and I think that's a good thing.

God, Make us pure and holy by means of the truth; Your WORD is truth. - Jn. 17:17