"Teach us to pray."

Jesus’ own disciples said, “Teach us to pray.” I think that mindset is the starting point. There is a Zen principle called “the beginners mind” that I first read about in Richard Rohr’s book Everything Belongs. Thomas Merton summarizes the concept in a segment from Contemplative Prayer (quoted in Spiritual Classics) by saying “Those who think they ‘know’ from the beginning will never, in fact, come to know anything.” So, when attempting to begin contemplative prayer practices, anyone who feels frustrated and ignorant is in a good place. It’s the “Teach us to pray” place that the disciples were in, and it’s the humility of “beginners mind”.

I’ve lost what I once knew about prayer.

Merton also calls contemplative prayer “death – a kind of descent into our own nothingness, a recognition of helplessness, frustration, infidelity, confusion, ignorance.” How many times have we heard encouragement to pray tagged with that kind of incentive? The Cloud of Unknowing actually encourages us to imagine that we are going to die at the end of our prayer. That would definitely change our stance before God. (Read more about that here: “an unusual prayer tip”)

Somewhere I read something about even the most trained monks, after forty minutes of silent prayer, may only have a brief moment of actually achieving silence. And many never have any “experiences” of note. I was encouraged and discouraged by that all at the same time. But, if we are simply looking for an “experience” then I think we have it all wrong. This isn’t a game and there aren’t any shortcuts or easy buttons.

Nearly everything I’ve seen on contemplative prayer practices encourages some kind of spiritual direction and guidance as you begin. I have had some difficulty finding anyone who was willing to take on that role so I’ve opted for spiritual companions along the way. I’d still love to find a prayer director. My prayer life has been wrecked for a while now. So often I feel as though I don’t know what to say anymore. Maybe that’s a good thing. When I pray out loud in class or in meetings I frequently begin with a long pause and in that moment I wonder if I’d be better off not saying anything.

Jesus, teach me to pray.